Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Are you a Manarchist??

by HPWombat:

General Questions:

I. Do you ascribe to either:

A) Passive-Aggressive Patriarchy:" (often come across as a victim/helpless/inneed/dependent and get women in your life to be your physical and emotionalcaretakers?
to buy you things? to take care of your responsibilities?pick up your slack? use guilt or manipulation to get out of your responsibilitiesand equal share of the work? do you treat your female partner like a"mom" or your secretary?)

B) "Aggressive Patriarchy:" (Do you often take charge? Assume that awoman can’t do something right so you do it for her? Believe that onlyyou can take care of things? Think that you always have the right answer?Treat your female partner like she’s helpless, fragile, a baby or weak?Do you put down your partner or minimize her feelings? Do you belittleher opinions?)

2. How do you react when women in your life name something or someoneas patriarchal or sexist? Do you think of her or call her a "PC Thug,""Feminazj," "Thin-skinned," "Overly-Sensitive," a "COINTELPRO-esque"or "Un-fun?"

3. Do you see talking about patriarchy as non-heroic, a waste of time,trouble making, or divisive?

4. If a woman asks your opinion, do you assume she must not know anythingabout the subject?

5. Do you believe that women have "natural characteristics" which areInherent in our sex such as "passive," "sweet," "caring," "nurturing,""considerate," "generous," "weak," or "emotional?"

6. Do you make fun of "typical" men or "frat boys" but not ever checkyourself to see if you behave in the same ways?

7. Do you take on sexism and patriarchy as a personal struggle workingto fight against it in yourself, in your relationships, in society, work,culture, subcultures, and institutions?

8. Do you say anything when other men make sexist or patriarchal comments?Do you help your patriarchal and sexist friends to make change and helpeducate them? Or do you continue friendships with patriarchal and sexistmen and act like there is no problem.

Activism Questions

9. As a. man, is being a. feminist a priority to you? Do you see beinga feminist as revolutionary or radical?

10. Do you think that you define what is radical? Do you suffer fromor contribute to macho bravado" or ‘subpoena envy? (I.e. defining a trueor "cool" and respectable activist as someone who has: been arrested,done lockdowns, scaled walls, hung banners, done time for their actionsargued or fought with police, done property alterations, beat up naziboneheads, etc.)?

11. Do you take something a woman said, reword it and claim it as yourown idea/opinion?

12. Are you taking on the "shit" or "grunt" work in your organizing?(I.e.: Cooking. cleaning. set up, clean up phone calls, email lists,taking notes, doing support work, sending mailings, providing childcare?)Are you aware of the fact. that women often are taking on this work withno regard or for their efforts?

13. Do you take active step to make your activist groups safe and comfortableplaces for women?

14. If you are trying to get more women involved in your activist projects,do you try to engage them by telling them what’ to do or why they shouldjoin your group?

15. Do you ever find yourself monitoring and limiting your behavior andspeech in meetings and activist settings because you don't want’ to takeup too much space or dominate the group? Are you aware of the fact thatwomen do this all the time?

16. Do you pay attention to group process and consensus building in groupsor do you tend to dominate and take charge (maybe without even realizingit)?

Sexual/Romantic Relationships and Issues

17. Do you make jokes or negative comments about the sex lives of womenor sex work?

18. Can you only show affection and be loving to your partner in frontof friends and family or only in private?

19. Do you discuss the responsibility for preventing contraception andgetting STD screening prior to sexual contact?

20. Do you repeatedly ask or plead with women for what you want in sexualsituations? Are you aware that unless this is a mutually consented uponscenario/game that this is considered a form of coercion?

21. During sex, do you pay attention to your partner’s face and bodylanguage to see if she is turned on? Engaged, or just lying there? Doyou ask a woman who she wants during sex? What turns her on?

22. Do you ask for consent?

23. Do you know if your partner has a sexual abuse, rape, or physicalabuse history?

24. Do you stay with your partner in a relationship for comfort and security?Sex? Financial or emotional caretaking? If you’re not completely happyor "in love" with your partner anymore? Even though you don’t think itwill ultimately work out? Because you’re afraid or unable to be alone?Do you suddenly end relationships when a "new" or "better" woman comesalong?

25. Do you jump from relationship to relationship? Overlap them? Or doyou take space and time for yourself in between each relationship toreflect on the relationship and your role in it? Do you know how to bealone? How to be single?

26. Do you cheat on your partners?

27. If your girlfriend gets on your case for patriarchal behavior orwants to try to work on the issues of patriarchy in your relationship,do you creak up with her or cheat on her and find another woman who willput up with your shit?

28. Do you agree to romantic commitment and responsibility and then backout of these situations?

29. Do you understand menstruation?

30. Do you make fun of women or write them off as "PMS-ING?"

Friendship Questions

31. Do you tend to set the standard and plans for fun or do you workwith the others in the group, including women to see what they want todo?

32. Do you talk to your female friends about things you don't talk toyour male friends about especially emotional issues?

33. Do you constantly fall in love with your female friends Are you friendswith women until you find out that they are not in love with you tooand then end the friendships? Are you only friends with women who arein monogamous or committed relationships with other people?

34. Do you come on to your female friends even jokingly?

35. Do you only talk to your female friends (and not your male friends)about your romantic relationships or problems in those relationships?

36. Do you find yourself only attracted to "Anarcho-Crusty Punk Barbie",Alterna-Grrrl Barbie," or Hardcore-Grrrl Barbie?" (The idea here beingthat the only women you arc attracted to fit mainstream beauty standardsbut just dress and do their hair alternatively and maybe have piercingsand tattoos) Do you question and challenge your internalized ideals ofmainstream beauty ideals for women?

37. Have you ever heard of or discussed "sizeism" and do you think itis low on the oppression scale?

38. Are you aware of the fact that ALL WOMEN, even women in radical communities,live under the CONSTANT PRESSURE and OPPRESSION of mainstream patriarchalbeauty standards?

39. Are you aware of the fact that many women in radical communitieshave had and are currently dealing with eating disorders?

40. Do you make fun of "model-types" or "mainstream" women for theirappearance?

Domestic/Household Questions

41. When was the last time you walked into your house, noticed that somethingwas misplaced/dirty/etc. AND did something about it (didn’t just walkby it, over it, away from it or leave a nasty note about it) even ifit wasn’t your chore or responsibility?

42. Are you constantly amazed by the magical "food fairy" who mysteriouslyacquires food, brings it home, puts it away, prepares it in meal formand then cleans up afterwards?

43. Do you contribute equally to domestic life and work?

44. How many of the following activities do you contribute to in yourhome (this is a partal list of what it takes to run a household):
A: Sweep and mop floors and clean carpets
B: Wash and put away dishes
C: Clean stove, countertops, sinks and appliances if they are messy andeach time after you have prepared food
D: Collect money, do food shopping, put away food and make meals forpeople you live with
E: Do house laundry (kitchen towels, bathroom hand towels, washable rugs,etc.)
F: Clean up common room spaces, even if it’s not your chore
G: Pick up other’s slack
H: Deal with garbage, recycling, and compost
I: Take care of bills, rent, utilities
J: Deal with the landscaping and gardening
K: Clean bathrooms and make sure bathroom is clean after you use it
L: Feed, clean up after, and take care of housepets

Children & Childcare

45. Do you spend time with kids? If you do, do you spend time with children(yours or anyone's) in a way that is gendered? (do certain things withboys and other things with girls?

46. If you are a father, do you CO-parent your children? (Spend equaltime AND energy AND effort AND money to raise them)?

47. Do you make childcare a priority? (at both activist events and indaily life)

48. Do you help make the lives of single mothers in your life and communityeasier by finding out if and how you can assist?

49. Have you politicized your ideas about child rearing and parenthoodradical communities? Do you believe that individuals who are in the movementhave children or that the movement has children?

Multi-Category Questions:

50. When was the last time you showed a woman how to do a task ratherthan doing it for her and assuming she couldn’t do it?

51. When was the last time you asked a woman to show you how to do a task?

52. Do you get emotional needs met by other women, whether or not youare in a romantic relationship with them? Or do you cultivate caring,nurturing relationships with other men in which you can discuss yourfeelings and get your needs met by them?

53. If a woman discusses with you or calls you out on your patriarchy,do you make an effort to be emotionally present? Listen? Not emotionallyshut down? Not get defensive? Think about what she said? Admit you fuckedup? Take responsibility/make reparations for the mistakes you made? Discussyour feelings and ideas with her? Apologize? Work harder on your ownshit to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes again with heror other women?

54. Do you look inside yourself to find out why you fucked up in theserelationships and work to both change your behavior and be a better anti-patriarchyally in the future?

55. Do you organize regular house meetings or activist meetings to resolveconflict in the house/group?

56. Do you use intimidation, yelling, getting in someone’s physical space,threats or violence to get your point across? Do you create and atmosphereor violence around women or others to threaten them (i.e.: throw things,break things, yell and scream, threaten, attack, tease or terrorize theanimals or pets of women in your life)?

57. Do you physically, psychologically, or emotionally abuse women?

58. Do the women in your life (mothers, sisters, partners, housemates,friends, etc.) have to "remind" you or "nag" you or "yell" at you inorder for you to get off your ass and take care of your responsibilities?

59. Do you talk to other men about patriarchy and your part in it?

60. When was the last time you thought about or talked about any of theseissues other than after reading this questionnaire?

Scoring: ALL MEN need to work on issues of patriarchy, sexism and misogyny. However, this questionnaire may point out to you areas of particular focus or concentration for your own anti-patriarchal/sexist/misogynist process and development.

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